Wham Wham, the Encore

Subtitled: The Birthday I Wonâ€™t Celebrate

22. This is the first day Iâ€™m wearing this age. Double two, accompanied by a double whammy just like the year before. And like the first one-two combination, this pair is again cause for much disorientation.

First, it doesnâ€™t help that May 10 is hemmed in by April 23, the day I decided to follow my bliss, and May 17, the day I took the first step to follow that bliss. Iâ€™ve already written about the (self-)fuss over April 23, so itâ€™s May 17â€™s turn to unabashedly bask in the spotlight.

On that day, Ia and I got our first jobs (as work-from-home Web Project Managers for Toronto-based Enthropia Inc.), a few hours removed from a lengthy semi-corporate job interview somewhere in Quezon City. The recruitment was sudden â€”

Friend: Weâ€™re looking for a team of two writers/webmasters for a slew of new domains. Up for it?
Me/Ia: Whatâ€™s the pay?
Friend: **** dollars per month, split between you two.
Me/Ia: DANG!

(Not the original online chat transcript, of course.)

â€” too sudden that the next morning, I woke up whispering to myself in disbelief, â€œAnd I had wanted to be a bum for six months!â€

Since then, Iâ€™ve never looked back. Freelance writing evolved into professional blogging, and working from home allowed me to spend time on the Art-side of writing. Now, while musing over the struggles of my first year of mixing Work and Art together, Iâ€™m also pondering upon my future. It boils down to one question:

Should I lessen Work to make more room for Art?

Itâ€™s never easy to jump from writing about search engine optimization to Tagalog poetry, for example. While Iâ€™m happy with my current situation, to put it bluntly, Iâ€™m not satisfied with my literary productivity for the past year. Some of it has to do with personal discipline and time management, but most of the blame lies with work.

Because Iâ€™m itching to spend more time on Art, Iâ€™ve been caring less and less for my monthly income, even if Iâ€™m not exactly well-off (I have trouble budgeting for family bills). I guess my mentality in a nutshell would be:

Glory first, gold later.

I know itâ€™s a bigoted statement in a country where millions of people are desperate for mere coins. Itâ€™s also an insult to my family that needs my salaries. Hence, I have been in deep thought in the past few days. Not deep enough to drown me in misery, but enough to make me drown myself in video games and scientific magazines, which are the alcohol to wash away my sobriety.

Thatâ€™s the first wham. Itâ€™s pretty much trivial compared to the second.

Last May 7, one of my uncles on my fatherâ€™s side passed away. It was an untimely and unexpected event for our whole clan.

I wonâ€™t go into the details, but suffice it to say that my uncle left behind a son and two daughters (their mother passed away when they were still children). The sorrow I feel for the loss of my Tito doesnâ€™t equal the sorrow I feel for my three cousins, who are younger than me; one of them, Jen-jen, is currently a student in UP Diliman’s College of Engineering (my alma mater).

UPâ€™s hectic enrollment day two years ago, when I accompanied Tito and then-incoming freshman Jen-jen, remains vividly captured in my mind. I can accept that Time flies quickly — as if a decade can be compressed into a snap of the fingers — but it feels surreal that this very same Time takes away the loved ones youâ€™ve been accustomed to seeing and talking to since childhood.

And this is where 22 — double two, harbinger of my second double whammy in a row — comes in again. Whereas turning 21 makes you an adult (in the Philippines), turning 22 is a slap on the face to remind people clinging to bits and pieces of innocence that, hey, playtimeâ€™s over. Make your move while youâ€™re still able to move, and birthdays arenâ€™t limitless in supply.

*I will be flying to our home province (Aklan) this weekend to attend my uncleâ€™s wake and funeral. Iâ€™ll be back in Manila at the end of next week. The Kimpo family will be in gratitude for your prayers for my Tito and the children he left behind. Thank you so much.

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I guess we are growing old. 0_o

But don’t worry, God has plans for your cousins. Just to share, my dad lost his job around January of 2006 and he never had a job since. Our savings turned to debts. It was the time I could relate to Hero of Star Circle Quest’s life story. He had to endure hunger…

But God didn’t forget about us. I still have my DOST allowances, ~~free food from my thesismates because of overnights,~~ I won awards (with cash incentives), and I got the job that helped me support my family. Although I still haven’t saved any significant sum yet, I still thank God that my family is happy and well-fed. *sniff* (you made me remember my darkest days/months)

Anyway, Happy 22nd birthday my friend! I’ll pray for you, your Tito, your cousins, and your family.

Btw, I appreciate what you did on Benj’s blog… but you really didn’t have to. I feel like you and Ia always save me when I put myself in trouble :P But thanks. :D

There will always be signs, but I guess few will stand out and grab you by the neck and shout in your ear to do something already.

Aside from my usual musings you hear about, I mentioned another to Garro yesterday—something about Art vs. Science and if I should shift to something old-school and produces results effectively and quickly. Not for me but for those who need it more than I do. It’s not yet my time of the year but it doesn’t have to be for thoughts like those to come up. :)

Anyway, as Geo said, He already has a plan for every one of us. For now… You better relish your b-day. Haberday!! ^_^

(Penge tsokolate!)

P.S. Geo—I thought I hit submit on a comment I composed on that guy’s blog but it never showed. I re-posted it a few minutes ago. Let’s see if it comes up. If it doesn’t, you know what that means.

I’m sorry to hear about your loss, and I will be praying — not only for your Tito’s immediate family, but for you and the other members of your clan as well.

Also: happy birthday! It gladdens me to see you so passionate about your life-path. Regarding work and art… You know, I used to angst about that all the time (”Oh no, physics is killing my writing! School won’t let me sing!”) but in the end I figured out that the secret was simple: sleep less.

Just kidding. ;) Don’t spend too much time worrying about it. It’ll come to you in time. Even periods of inactivity or times when you’re so caught up in work you can’t think of writing have their uses.

happy birthday! In case you get so depressed.. theres this “alcohol” which can wash away my sobriety.. if you need some.. well.. you know my number. ;)

geo, thanks for the reassurances, the greeting, and the prayers. they mean a lot to me/us right now :)

i am glad to hear that you’ve turned around what were difficult times for you and your loved ones. be proud to have done great things for your family..becaue before you can do great things for your city, province, and nation, it begins with the family.

just to share, when i was a kid, before my dad honestly and diligently worked his way up the government positions, i spent some years only listening to radio soap operas (didn’t have TV), eating only Maggi soup and hardboiled eggs (utang sa sari-sari), and watching affluent kids eat Jolly Hotdogs while i ate carinderia barbecue. of course, these can’t compare to the hardships experienced day in and day out by our less fortunate countrymen, but those hard times made me appreciate more the blessings of God and later on allowed me to have the insight to write Third World lit.

re: those blog comments, don’t think about it. you don’t owe me anything or so for that. ;) i did what i had to do to defend a friend…and whatever someone says, it’s still proper blog decorum not to throw insults freely. strong posts elicit strong reactions from readers, and i have seen hundreds of bloggers able to take those reactions in stride and deal with them with dignity.

to illustrate, here’s what i posted in performancing.com in this old article:

“Every blog post of yours is a product of your pen (or your keyboard). It is yours*, and you better show that you care for it. If someone likes it or finds it helpful, express gratitude. If someone ridicules it, take a stance and whip up a response worthy of true statesmen (a witty retort might also do!). If someone points out a mistake, give the reader the benefit of the doubt, analyze his points, and admit the error if indeed it is. If someone seeks advice, be as helpful as you can be. Donâ€™t discriminate among real-life friends, long-time blog-mates, or new visitors. Engage everyone with the same enthusiasm.”

key phrase: true statesmen.

ia, i think i already relished the birthday with the bacon cheeseburger cheesy pops pizza at picha-hatt. :) i allowed myself to savor that, but now the relishing stops.

chocolate is aplenty now in our ref…credit that to my generous relatives from the USA. i just couldn’t enjoy them these days because of, you know what.

“Anyway, as Geo said, He already has a plan for every one of us.” I know he has. I guess I’m just a bit impatient in knowing the full extent of it, hay.

btw, what is that something ‘old-school’? intriguing.

mia, thank you very much. i appreciate it, deeply.

i’m passionate about my life-path, but i am also confused from time to time. and regarding sleep — i also found i write (and blog) terribly with less sleep :P i guess different things work for different people, hehe!

thanks for the advice ;) it’s just that i’m overwhelmed by the volumes of plotlines, storylines, atlases, world histories, characters, and whatnot that have been fully-fleshed out, needing only the penning to formalize their existence >_<

pio, ‘topher’ ka dyan, hehe. salamat na rin sa pagbati!

(pssst…how’s the DCS? any word, good or bad? :P)

Thanks =)

In general, how you interact with people shows what kind of person you are. May it be on blogging, public speaking, debate, etc. The important thing is R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

But I guess sometimes I sound too overwhelming =P

Let’s go out sometime once you’re back in Manila.

geo, what does R.E.S.P.E.C.T. stand for again? i seem to have forgotten. this is something from the Arise days, right? ;)

yes, you do sound overwhelming at times. but it’s not your fault if other people can’t handle that. there lies the glory of personal communications, and to a certain extent, politics.

i can treat you guys to a movie or pizza in the latter half of may :)

Hahaha I was just spelling it out. RESPECT is RESPECT. =)

Yay! Free movie AND pizza! :P

Maligayang Pagbati ulit. :D

â€œAnd I had wanted to be a bum for six months!â€

that’s what I did. haha. it was hard, but necessary. :P

insufficient sleep affects my writing but not my inking, luckily. hehe.

hahaha R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

R-elevance
E-ncouragement
S-ervice
P-erseverance
E-nlightenment
C-harity
T-emperance

that would make a pretty hard campaign spiel. sa LIVES pa lang hirap na ako nun. hahahaha.

Belated happy birthday nga pala jakimps :) Napadaan lang. [You should feel special, alam mo namang hindi ako maka-blog masyado. Hehe, joke.]

Sige, iwanan ko na kayong mag-inuman ni Topher. ^_^

geo, my pockets won’t be able to withstand *that* double-whammy. as i wrote in this post, i’m having trouble budgeting for family bills ;) it’s either pizza or movie hehe. but who knows, i might strike it lucky in the lottery…oops. should i start betting on it? my birthday might prove to be a lucky charm.

garro, thanks a lot, man. did that RESPECT come from one of Arise’s past talks? my memory fails me already. regarding the bum-period…ia’s actually reminding me from time to time not to get too engrossed in work, using my “bum-pledge” as leverage ;)

jael, thanks! how’s work? don’t forget your art, too, all right? yeah, i kind of feel special already, being graced by your rare blogosphere presence :P and btw, that topher is pio (sir peeee-yoooh), hehe.

no dude I was just made the acronym up. hahahaha!

an alpha and an omega in a single post…

happy birthday…
and condolence.

‘There is no space wider than that of grief, there is no universe like that which bleeds.’ - Point, Alasteir Reid

Jael! Miss ka na ni Geo! Magblog (read: magsulat) ka naman daw! (Needless to say miss na rin kita.) ^_^

My bum pledge = 12 hours of sleep a day. I manage to follow it fairly regularly because I like sleeping a lot. Whee.

off-topic. happy mother’s day to your mom, philip. :)

@Gibbs - errr…. :P

@Jael - Yeah, you should still write/blog.

happy birthday, though i am late. and damn do you make me feel old. :)

kuya philip, i guess everything is part of growing up. belated happy birthday. :)

You’ve accomplished quite a bit for your age. Keep on and relish what today brings to your life.

my prayers for your uncle…

i’m a bit late with these replies, but here they go…

garro, you sure came up with a campaign speech-worthy acronym, mweheh.

jan, thank you for both. and that is a magnificent line.

ia, the moment i begin sleeping 12 hours a day regularly, i’ll be killing myself. waste of time! :P that’s why i envy the woman who supposedly slept for only 2-3 hours a day and lived to an old age.

gibbs, thanks. though i fear i can’t extend the greeting to my mom ;)

geo, why don’t you try wordpress nga pala? maybe i can host you on corsarius.net.

illyria, thanks a lot. better late than never! hey, i am getting old, too. argh.

infobuilder, kuya-kuya ka dyan. thanks, kuya mike! :P

leah, thank you very much for those. i hope i can learn how to relish the good things — i always put tremendous pressure on myself.

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