Subtitled: The Birthday I Wonâ€™t Celebrate
22. This is the first day Iâ€™m wearing this age. Double two, accompanied by a double whammy just like the year before. And like the first one-two combination, this pair is again cause for much disorientation.
First, it doesnâ€™t help that May 10 is hemmed in by April 23, the day I decided to follow my bliss, and May 17, the day I took the first step to follow that bliss. Iâ€™ve already written about the (self-)fuss over April 23, so itâ€™s May 17â€™s turn to unabashedly bask in the spotlight.
On that day, Ia and I got our first jobs (as work-from-home Web Project Managers for Toronto-based Enthropia Inc.), a few hours removed from a lengthy semi-corporate job interview somewhere in Quezon City. The recruitment was sudden â€”
Friend: Weâ€™re looking for a team of two writers/webmasters for a slew of new domains. Up for it?
Me/Ia: Whatâ€™s the pay?
Friend: **** dollars per month, split between you two.
(Not the original online chat transcript, of course.)
â€” too sudden that the next morning, I woke up whispering to myself in disbelief, â€œAnd I had wanted to be a bum for six months!â€
Since then, Iâ€™ve never looked back. Freelance writing evolved into professional blogging, and working from home allowed me to spend time on the Art-side of writing. Now, while musing over the struggles of my first year of mixing Work and Art together, Iâ€™m also pondering upon my future. It boils down to one question:
Should I lessen Work to make more room for Art?
Itâ€™s never easy to jump from writing about search engine optimization to Tagalog poetry, for example. While Iâ€™m happy with my current situation, to put it bluntly, Iâ€™m not satisfied with my literary productivity for the past year. Some of it has to do with personal discipline and time management, but most of the blame lies with work.
Because Iâ€™m itching to spend more time on Art, Iâ€™ve been caring less and less for my monthly income, even if Iâ€™m not exactly well-off (I have trouble budgeting for family bills). I guess my mentality in a nutshell would be:
Glory first, gold later.
I know itâ€™s a bigoted statement in a country where millions of people are desperate for mere coins. Itâ€™s also an insult to my family that needs my salaries. Hence, I have been in deep thought in the past few days. Not deep enough to drown me in misery, but enough to make me drown myself in video games and scientific magazines, which are the alcohol to wash away my sobriety.
Thatâ€™s the first wham. Itâ€™s pretty much trivial compared to the second.
Last May 7, one of my uncles on my fatherâ€™s side passed away. It was an untimely and unexpected event for our whole clan.