Post-Achievement Syndrome

When I do something good for myself, whether it’s phenomenal good or a bit good, whether it’s goodness recognized by a few people or by a whole institution, I always suffer from what I call the Post-Achievement Syndrome.

Don’t bother looking it up on medical books — it’s simple enough. My PAS is a period of depression — short and shallow if the achievement was small, long and deep if the achievement was great. Shortly after a personal achievement (such as getting published in the newspaper), I pat myself on the back and treat myself for the day. However, after a good night’s sleep, PAS swiftly kicks in.

That’s where “simple enough” ends and “what the f*ck” begins.

When PAS hits me, the feeling is that of a big lake being emptied of water overnight. How do you empty a big lake overnight? Unthinkable with current technology. How do you empty a rejoicing person of all pleasant thoughts overnight, seemingly without a trigger? Baffling with current human logic.

I’ve spent hours upon hours drilling into my psyche for the answer to this debilitating problem. Debilitating, because virtually all work and lit output grind to a halt. But of course, most of the Freudian psyche is hidden deep in the so-called Freudian iceberg, so no answers have come forth. (Maybe it’s time to get free help from my friend who’s a UP Psych graduate?)

If I can hazard a guess, I’d say it’s related to my obsession with “scratching the itch” — setting targets for myself then hitting those targets. Many targets. Too many that it might be construed as megalomania (more on that in a later post). These targets include blogging, webmastering, and writing. Writing then branches into poetry, English, sci-fi, flash fiction, Tagalog, creative nonfic, fantasy, and so on. When I hit one of these targets (i.e. the “achievement”), I’m soon overwhelmed by the “unachieved” things grinning at me on the horizon —

ThisAchievementIsJustAFlukeICantRepeatItAhh[Expletive!][Expletive!]

â€” that kind of shit. Then the syndrome takes over.

The spectre of PAS means I can’t savor any triumph, big or small. It’s self-torture, pushing one’s self to the limit to the point where you disallow joy. Yes, I know, this is bad behavior. Left unchecked, it might spiral into a cold, mad, endless cycle of “more, more, more!”.

But come to think of it — at the very least, I’m incapable of gloating over any ‘victory’. Humility, when you least want it! (Does this make me a bad choice for a telenovela villain?)

Anybody suffering from the same syndrome? Self-inflicted misery loves company.

Image courtesy of Xmoix (Heather Foley).

17 comments so far. Subscribe to comments feed.

ph34rrrr teh corsarius. ph34rrrrr! mark this day guys. you’ll look back on this day and say, “ah, so that’s why.”

seriously, it’s okay to never be content. that’s what a person must feel, otherwise one would have no motivation to improve. y’know, withdrawal symptoms. (sounds familiar?) :(

stop eating while standing already!!

thanks, h4×0r 14! hehe.

yeah, i guess it’s ok, but the wise saying “Tread the middle path” (or something like that) isn’t wise for nothing. i think i’m leaning toward an extreme, which is is bad.

re: eating while standing — yes, ma’am! :D been observing that for the past month or so.

Hey man congratulations. Been lurking your blog for a year now.

I suggest you read this.

I don’t understand what you’re saying :D

just apply what you did in order to achieve the, uh, achievement to whatever you want to do next. just don’t try to do too much at the same time. (I wish I could do kagebunshin no jutsu too.)

Luck happens when opportunity and preparation meet. so always be prepared. when something good comes up and you say “I can’t do it”, then someone else will take it.

chin up man. sayang, pogi ka pa naman. hahahaha!

“Luck happens when opportunity and preparation meet. so always be prepared.”

Reminds me of Sassy Girl. Fate is paving the way for you and your loved one to meet in the future. Or something like that. Wheeeeeee. Either way, alam mo naman ang meaning ng opportunity diba.

michael, thanks again. i hope you stay lurking for another year :D thanks for the link, too — it’s a great read. an inspirational read, even. will bookmark this.

garro, yeah, a day after i’ve written this post, i can’t understand half of it now, hehe. maybe because the syndrome has passed. back to work as usual.

maybe trying to do too much at the same time is my biggest flaw; not giving enough credit to myself (and instead attributing it to “tsamba”) is the second biggest. i’ll remember your advice. thanks, man.

ia, opportunity? whazzat? :P just kiddin. of course. or not…argh. hehe.

you’re one of those talented, self-effacing things. if i may be too bold.

So your achievements is like a doze of sugar….after the highs comes the low moments.

Ako, I like to stay in the high moments when such things come…since they dont come so often.

Hey bro, I’m back!

Wow, congratulations! You’ve hit a mark. You can say it’s because of both luck and hardwork, but still it’s because of your talent.

Remember, you should be happy with your achievement - Be very very happy. But don’t think too many things and pressure yourself on getting everything that you want. Take it one at a time dude, your time will come.

P.S. Can you remove that Ramgee Lobos link? I would appreciate it if you replace it with this one (http://gclubaton.spaces.live.com)

Aiiight?

illyria…self-effacing. that’s one adjective nobody else has used on me. probably because most of the time i’m not, only when i’m the right mood. heh.

leah, that’s it — like a dose of sugar, indeed!

geo, tagal nun ah, hehe. thanks for the advice, man. esp. that it comes from the best achiever in the UP College of Engineering 2006 (i mean that, haha!).

i’ve added your new blog’s address, though i’ll be keeping the Lobos link for future trips down the memory lane, mwehehe. comment ka ulit para i-remove ko nang tuluyan! :P

Hahaha… you really know how to make my head BIG. Thanks.

And yeah, I guess you can choose not to delete it. That blog is pretty childish if you ask me.

I’ve an antidote for that … dimsum! Right after the Holy Week with Ia, ok?

Please email me your email address, too. Thanks again, Corsarius!

That’s quite unique huh?
So unique that honestly, I didn’t quite understand the whole thing. Sorry.
Go see a psychologist. Just kidding :D

Anyway, so sorry it took so long for me to update your link ~ dropped by!

geo, childish? onti lang, hehe. it’s still an entertaining read.

dimsum! senor enrique, that’s one of my favorites (siomai, actually). i’ll email you soon. congratulations again on being the best philippine photo blog for 2007!

jellie, no problem, thanks for the update :)

hi, corsi. congratulations. but i want to second the motion. go see a psychologist. he he :-D

you must be so overwhelmed, or excited. whatever suits. i think it’s quite normal. you still have the ability to realize that what you’re having is PAS.

but, boy, i am so proud of you. my friends in bloglandia are making names!

tita bing, thank you so much! hamo, i’ll ask my cousins in the medicine profession for some help, hehe. though a day or two after writing this entry, i was back to normal. will watch out if this happens again. ;)

[...] Not perfectly happy; humans find all sorts of ways to destroy their own happiness, as is the case with me. The past year could’ve been better; still, I’m mightily pleased with it. [...]

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